Bad Poetry gives me Bad Customer Service

Bad poetry stinks –

the smell of it repulsive,
like Rupert Holmes pina colada song.
My eyes talk to each other
they gossip over dildo-straps
& pork belly.
Oh! Wow! Look at the sea otter
and his T.V. guide of girls gone wild re-runs.

I have studied & analyze the human complex stupidity,
the verdict – Polyamorous infidelity swinger’s party.

Damn! I’ve got to check my brain for some good ass chocolate cake.



Copyright © 2016 Charlie Zero the Poet


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69 thoughts on “Bad Poetry gives me Bad Customer Service

      1. For me. Those lines stuck out the most in this poem. But. All your words have a flair on their own as you create such a fantasy that goes beyond this world my friend.

        You are different and weird in a great way

        Love your poetry. 🙏

        1. Thank you again Axl.

          You are a blessed poet with such an amazing talents and gifts.
          Much respects to you as a poet and visionary. 🙂

          I try and do my best to keep my readers thinking and feeling weird about imagery. 🙂

    1. Thank you Daisy.

      Sometimes I don’t know that I come off insulting in my poems. Most of the time that I wrote these lines are by chance an accident. But I’m so happy and glad you caught this line and you enjoyed it. hahahaha!!!!

  1. I laughed my HEAD OFF with this one C! The last line! And the idea that bad poetry stinks, I mean I know we’re supposed to be polite about bad writing and it’s true, some people are really horrible to others who are just trying but I think you’re just being honest about some type of trite writing versus some with effort underneath. So I applaud this wildly! And I love otters. Oh YES and choCOOLate cake : )

    1. Thank you Sister.

      Yes, I love playing with the idea of bad poetry and its satirical idea that live within its content and creativity. I, either was being honest of having an accident of me being too honest and showed myself right out the door. 🙂 hahaha!!! Nevertheless – Chocolate cake with Almond milk is the way to go. 🙂 So glad you enjoyed this poem sis. 🙂

      1. You are SO ADORABLE you know that? For such a Star Man you really hold my heart Asmov xo

  2. I guess Charlie bad poetry is defined by perspectives.. I mean, those who write it think it is great!.. 🙂 🙂 And I hope you would always leave my poems with a favourable fragrance within your nostrils 🙂
    Wishing you a very happy eye talking day to you my friend ❤
    Sue 🙂

  3. Short, dark, and packs a punch! I’ll be processing this one for a while. 😉 But, naturally, I love dildo-straps, pork belly, and polyamory minus the infidelity. ❤ Thanks for stretching my brain, C!

  4. Ha.. I just came from Bryan and his Douglas Adams… I got to think of Vogon poetry… :

    “Vogon poetry is of course, the third worst in the universe.
    The second worst is that of the Azgoths of Kria. During a recitation by their poet master Grunthos the Flatulent of his poem “Ode to a Small Lump of Green Putty I Found in My Armpit One Midsummer Morning” four of his audience died of internal haemorrhaging and the president of the Mid-Galactic Arts Nobbling Council survived by gnawing one of his own legs off. Grunthos was reported to have been “disappointed” by the poem’s reception, and was about to embark on a reading of his 12-book epic entitled “My Favourite Bathtime Gurgles” when his own major intestine, in a desperate attempt to save humanity, leapt straight up through his neck and throttled his brain.
    The very worst poetry of all perished along with its creator, Paul Neil Milne Johnstone of Redbridge, in the destruction of the planet Earth. Vogon poetry is mild by comparison.”

    1. Ha ha! Bjorn, are you certain you aren’t from Minneapolis? Perhaps you were instrumental in originating the show of all galactic truth: MST3K! We are not worthy!

  5. What the fuck was this? I’ll tell you what this was, it was fucking brilliant. I bow low in deference to a world-class talent. Seriously, Loved. – Moskowitz

  6. Nice to stop by & get a blast of CZ farfdom; yes, so very dark & satiric, yet both biting & probing. Bad poetry does reek, like a dead cat in the sun, like a dead rat in the wall, like raccoon brains on your steel belted wheels–so hey, it’s a good thing that neither your nor I write that kind of poetics; keep after it, kid–your creativity rises out of some mysterious catacomb of cortical swirl; & I dig it.

  7. Bad or good poetry is always in the eye of the beholder. I especially liked the reference here to the Pina Colada Song–one of my most despised songs as well. Anything that makes me smile is automatically good poetry in my book!

  8. I call it vampire kitten poetry – it often smells of dusty stuffed animals, Italy’s most underrated cheese, and teen spirit. Excellent work.

  9. Is it just me that I find this poem quite funny 😛
    Human complex stupidity 😀 and also the good ass chocolate cake
    Damn.. that humor. Love this one Charlie
    Good work..
    Chocolate understands everything ❤

  10. I like the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy references here: the solution to the universe is 42. Wonder if Marvin is still figuring out the perfect cup of tea?

  11. So I have to ask, do you like pina coladas? They do help to contribute to poems sometimes. MST3K….excellent reference. I love Bjorn’s comment on this and no matter how hard I try, I can’t compete. The Old Cat is happy to just sit and blink in amazement.

  12. Such splendid horror do you incite,
    Like a cockroach in the dark of night.
    Bad poetry is like a saw,
    Without it my hardened wood would fall.
    So squiggle my nostrils with powder and fist,
    Flub, wobble, babble and squish.

    And just because you remind me of him (Spider Robinson)

    When you swim in th sea,
    And an eel bites your knee,
    That’s a moray.

      1. Just good to know you are ok.. I have been busy and not visiting as much everyone and was surprised to not see a recent post to catch up on.. Congrats about your poetry book, 🙂 xx

        1. Thank you sue for keeping in touch. I’ve been working really hard on this book and also, working on new poems. I, too – will be catching up with everyone very soon. 🙂 Thank you sue, this poetry book of mine. I hope everyone enjoys it. 🙂

  13. Hi Charlie the poet:) Really enjoyed this one – provocative, fun, funky, cheeky, playful, and true dat! Now where is that good ass chocolate cake? Lol. Wishing you a beauty-full day full of poetic blessings, Maria Elena

    1. Thank you Maria. Yes, this was an old poem I did. It does play a good humor in poetry.

      Since then my writings have evolved.

      Your observation is excellent. Chocolate cake sounds good right about now. hahahahaha!!!

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