Absurd Stories from the Talking Diarrhea


President Diarrhea speaks:

My fellow ohhhmericans…

We the pimple
face the greatest threat of all –
enchiladas & victoria secret
If you want to cook lingerie
I suggest seasoning it
with sex appeal & anemic,
the darker we cook it,
the more succulent discoveries
of the big bang nostrils taste.

Health care coverage –
sponsors eat less
& gluten later.
Gucci & Calvin Klein
They demand sexy
to be the next casket.

Pimple of planet girth
your Eiffel Tower shafts
grow veiny & hard
try “Joe Pesci’s”, prophylactic
the best #1 doctor recommended.

Protects against:
Soy yogurt, Tofu,
Seitan, Chickpeas,
Cashews, Brown rice,
Quinoa, Multigrain pasta,
Dry broth, Sun-dried tomatoes,
Flax seeds, & Nutritional yeast…

Be patient hombre’s
hold on to your mac & cheez
Al Qaeda’s got the beans burning.

Purging disorder,
look around you
replicas compete
with one another.

Michael Kors
eat me,
buy me.

The sucked face assholes
of ohhhmerica –
should Botox their nut sacks
and illegalize Panda express.

Don’t even get me started on the bible.
The worst science fiction
since Neil Armstrong
took Viagra mistaking it for penicillin.
You see the problem folks: Listerine power to your prejudice.



Note: This poem is NOT about ‘Trump’. In fact – its my own world of  ‘ohhhmerica’, and how I’d like to see it one day –
society speaking in weird manner towards one another
and its consumerism of absurdity.



Copyright © 2017 Charlie Zero the Poet

All rights Reserved.

No part of Absurd Stories from the Talking Diarrhea – may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means: electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without prior permission. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Charlie Zero the Poet and his poetry works with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.


133 thoughts on “Absurd Stories from the Talking Diarrhea

  1. Love this. Every word of it. This is going to be an all time favourite. You got a great sense of humour , Charlie. I am going to be reading this through the week.

    1. To quote a wise man:

      If I had no sense of humor, I would long ago have committed suicide. ~ Mahatma Gandhi

      In any form of writing, sense of humor needs to play into laughter and live a healthy system to bring joy onto others and make people think without question or with a little buckets of questions. 🙂

    1. Thank you Daisy.

      I’d like to see our civilization speak in this kind of way. It would be weirdly funny and would make much sense to how we can speak to one another without being upset or feeling repressed. Although, one would ponder if making sense of things in a different point of view would solve our political system.

    1. Fools are my theme, let satire be my song. ~ Lord Byron

      I had gotten this poem through different re-writes and edited it a lot.
      The results in the end came to this and the humor takes its course with the readers themselves. 🙂 Glad you truly enjoyed this. 🙂

  2. For o( once Charlie I did make sense of this ( I think lol ) Lots of subjects affecting the USA and those who rule.. another hit the BBC news feed via a little bird that tweets today concerning those who can and cannot serve in the armed forces..
    Another discriminatory decision . Sigh..

    1. Yes. This system machine that affects all countries, they love complicating laws and rules just so they can pull everyone’s nerves. It’s insensitive of these politicians.
      I had to make my own humor, we all need a laugh or two of absurd things that people talk about on an everyday basis.

            1. I checked out and read the link you sent me.

              I’m happy that Britain’s armed forces are open & acceptance of transgender people and don’t come off as hateful or discriminatory. Unlike here in the U.S.A Trump is a homophobic, racist, & a white rich a-hole! I can’t believe he won’t allow people with sexual orientation to serve in the arm forces. And he calls it a disruption? That is low for a president to say such a harsh thing. He should be ashamed of himself and what he is making America out to be in which it doesn’t need such ignorance.

  3. Scathingly hilarious!
    You bite very deep, my dear Charlie!
    I know this is not about trump, as it spills out too, many consumeristic truths that predate him, but nonetheless, President Diarrhea is a name he lives up to!
    LOL! So glad we’ve met!

    1. hahahaha!! Thank you Resa. I knew you’d laugh at this.
      Believe or not – this poem went through a few changes.
      In the end, I had to use imagery and humor to replace from what was too serious before. I’m glad this reaction paid off well. 🙂

    1. Thank you Kindra.

      Like I was talking about with my friend ‘Resa’ the commenter above me.
      This poem went through various stages in my own editing room.
      At first this poem I tested with a close friend of mine, and he’s reaction was good and thought it to be something else.

      I was unsatisfied with what I wrote. So, I needed to change it up to more humor and imagery. I couldn’t be more happy to get the results I wanted. 🙂

  4. a great picture of many truths that we have to live with and hopefully balance out in our own way. Be an example of decency which is ever so lacking- starting with president diarrhea 🙂

    1. Exactly. This poem went through various stages of changes. At first it was read serious and too generic. So, I had to change a lot with lots of humor and make it its own unique way of reading it and laughing about things. So happy you enjoyed this.

        1. If we’re destroying our trees and destroying our environment and hurting animals and hurting one another and all that stuff, there’s got to be a very powerful energy to fight that. I think we need more love in the world. We need more kindness, more compassion, more joy, more laughter. I definitely want to contribute to that. ~ Ellen DeGeneres

          1. yeah me too but when people see that you’re genuine they get jealous and try to stamp you out – usually the very people who are supposed to be on your side. Human nature is shockingly brutal. It’s hard to be both compassionate and made of steel at the same time but that is what the world needs if we’re going to pull through.

  5. I would take an orange from the bowl
    and peel it, toss the skin away
    and if the fruit was dry with age
    and wrinkled like an old man’s hands
    I’d drop it in the compost heap
    and choose another from the tree.

    1. WOW!! I really like the metaphor use in what you’ve interpret it from this poem.

      Nicely done.

      I’m sure this made lots of sense hopefully in a clear way.
      Lately, I’ve been dealing with the trauma and loss of my mother in law and the loss of my grandpa. It’s been hard for me and sometimes I break down out of nowhere.
      That is the reason I had to post this poem…I want people to laugh and smile. So, I can then see that their is hope and I still want to live.

      1. I’m sorry, Charley. It read to me as an outpouring of the disgust and despair that so many Americans are feeling about where their country is going, personified by the Pres. I didn’t realise it was against a background of personal grief. Let it all come out in fear and loathing if you want. Just get rid of it 🙂

        1. Yes. Not the mention I have (PTSD. To keep this simple. I use to be a victim of bullying. Physical & Mental. On top of everything grieving the loss of very important people in my life. I needed to write a comical poetic theme so that I can bring laughter and hopeful meaning into all the readers lives.

          Another reason why i write the way I write that either makes sense to the reader or no sense. I hide behind strange & weird poetic styles that have a meaning behind the scene of what I go through everyday. It may not be clear to the reader but as long as they’ve read it and ponder to scratch their heads. That is all that makes me happy and at least makes the reader smile. Once in a great while I’ll express myself but I have to be precaution of how much I intent to fully express.

          But your right…I have to get rid of whatever is loathing of fear I have.

          1. I hope you’ve found a place where you feel safe. You certainly have a lot of readers who appreciate what you write and understand where you’re going. Write it out of your system and entertain us at the same time 🙂

    1. Finally, a question of ponder that sets it.

      I’ve always wonder about that…there is that theory long ago
      about Stanley Kubrick staging the moon landing, due to his work on 2001: a space odyssey. I don’t know how factual or secretive this got. I’m betting that the moon landing is just a show and tell. Television tells a million stories but how many of them are actually 100%?

      1. I saw the movie Hidden Figures recently and it seems that NASA still had racial issues in the 1960’s. Of course there is also the problem of radiation outside the magnetosphere and the fact that we went there six times in a few years but haven’t been able to get back since. Oh, well. It doesn’t matter.

        1. I really loved ‘Hidden Figures’ a very important movie. Yes, NASA had a big racial problem back in the backs. When I watched the movie, it left me angry and sad knowing how ignorance is and still taints of what is happening today.

    1. The absurdity of laughing at everyone is priceless and could be dangerous.
      Dangerous is the sense that seem people catch one laughing might be them mistaking that we’re laughing at them…but really, its the actually of what people do and say and express their nonsensical views on importance. But we need a sense of humor and can’t be bitter about things.

      1. We sure need a sense of humour Charlie! Some of the comedy writers here complain that they cannot write anything more hilarious than what our politicians are doing in real life! 😉 xxx

        1. Whether comedy to political or not, there’s always room for other comical expressions that can be applied and not always function as a political wheel.

          I’ll be posting more comedy next Monday. I experimented with something fun for the readers and I hope you’ll find it randomly funny and weird at the same time.

  6. Fabulous… we have become so rotten to the core.. I like that you can make it into the form that you have….. all the trappings and all the madness rolled into one. Just spewed out….I especially like the next to last stanza…Tee hee. (I had to look up Panda express though…)

    1. The way I was expressing to this…was I had to write it in a different form of capturing the humor of what people do and say everyday. The madness of humor came from just spewing all that I had kept in my gut.

      Panda express is pretty famous here in my home town L.A. Glad you got a laugh. 🙂

        1. I’m planning on writing more humor poetry. I don’t know when…my reason for writing and posting this one. Lately, I’ve been feeling alone and empty inside. This year, I lost my mother in law and my grandpa. It’s hard for me…and my depression kicks in on me at random moments. I decided to get a conversation going on this humorous poem.

          1. humour is good keep it. it works. I am sorry about the loss of your mother in law and grandpa. Moments are moments. Some are good and some are less favourable. A low moment will give in time to something else. Alone doesn’t have to be empty. If it is by choice it can be full of promise and optimism. Take care.

            1. Thank you.

              I know there’s hope to this life and in humanity. It’s diffcult but I have to remind myself to be strong and try writing something humorous to distract of what demons live in my mind. Hope is a good precious value. The virtue of things is beautiful.

              1. You have to be steadfast and resolute. it is dark before dawn, things can look different in a few moments if they are the right moments. Suppose that your purpose was to be there for someone else at some random point in the future to speak or smile and make a difference to yours and their world…you may never really know..

                1. Listening and reading what you say is giving me a boast of smiles and hopeful in what I must and need to do. Your right, at some point in the future someone that I don’t know yet, will be there to make me see a reflection in what I was and help those who need it. You are wise my friend. 🙂

  7. You never fail to amuse or surprise, Charlie. You have your very own unique perspective on the world and definitely a sense of humor can only help! I hope your mood has improved by joining in today. Gayle ~

    1. I’m always looking at the world through many different genres of lenses.
      Each poem I write gets a unique feel in how cinematic poetry can touch and change the mind.

      My mood now is really good and I’m happy today. I’m actually feeling the strong readership on dVerse and my poem. 🙂

  8. Wow, kid, the faithful gather here at your site; very impressive. Over at dVerse. 20 comments is a lot–my poems average 12 responses. I miss your fertile poetic madness; may have to hang out here more often. I have to disagree with you though. for Trump Frump Sumpump was your Muse. He has unleashed chaos onto Merica beyond our imagining–making the presidency a Warner Brothers cartoon & Elmer Fudd the fearless brainless leader. Thanks for stopping by my place, by the way.

    1. The actuality of the poem is based on the future President.
      One that we haven’t seen or know about yet. All the analogies in this meaning do relate to what won’t change and still be, to stepping forward to the future and still be living in what the common refer to as Deja Vu.

      That is what I was leaning towards…but you could say it is about Mr. T.

      Warner Brothers cartoons is a manufacturing of brainless thieves robbing and re-injecting everyone with meaningless waste.

  9. Ohhhh my! Clever write, Charlie! Interesting and thought-provoking allusions and symbolism in your words. (Speaking of Joe Pesci – did you know he sings jazz? Seriously!)

    1. My job as a writer is to put ideas into the readers heads
      and make them see this world in a different pattern that you rarely see.

      Yes, I’m fully aware that Joe Pesci sings Jazz. He makes me laugh and his music is gold. 🙂 I was just listening to the song ‘Take You Love and Shove it’. hahahahaha!!!! Don’t mess with Joe Pesci. He’s the man. 🙂

  10. But do start on the bible, please! Laughter is such a glorious thing. And I suspect a poetic commentary of biblical proportions would just as entertaining as this. A lot of truths, of course… some of them nearly impossible to digest without a pinch of nonsense (or a lot of nonsense) sprinkled on it.

    1. That was the whole point.

      The absurdities of today’s society is really fascinating and crazy.
      It make seemed like nonsense, but I can only assure the reader
      that nonsense makes sense.

      Laughter played an important part in this poetic journey.
      We all need a laugh and just not take things too seriously.

    1. I’m extremely a big fan of Zappa & Captain Beefheart.

      Finally, your the only one who understood that reference and felt the influence of the great Zappa. Everyone’s got a different perspective when they come to my blogs and read my work. 🙂

      I’m so happy you got a big laugh out of this. hahahaha!!!

      Al Qaeda does burn the beans but I also wonder if they ever burn the soup? hahahaha!!!

        1. Sometimes we all tend to forget to stir the pot and the soup loses flavor. hahahah!!!

          So, you are a Zappa and Captain Beefheart fan as well? It’s rare to know anyone that loves Zappa or Beefheart. Everyone seems to just stick with crappy music that is very terrible and generic.

  11. “..should Botox their nut sacks
    and illegalize Panda express.” I literally laughed out loud on this one. Oh you’re funny!!! This was such a great read.

    1. hahahahaha!!! I told you. hahahahaha!!!

      My head was all over the place when I wrote this…but it needed that push to get their with the humor and all.

      I’m glad this made you laugh hard. 🙂 More humor to come soon. You’ll see the weird titles. 🙂

    1. Thank you my friend. 🙂

      As a matter of fact – I’m been working on something quite experimental with humor.
      I wrote 4 humorous poems that I am thinking of posting next Monday.

      It’s funny but randomly weird at the same time. 🙂

        1. Did he die? I might have missed it. However, I do know that they were named after two blues artists — that’s the irony in the song. I’m sure you know that as well. How are you, Paul? Missed chatting with you.

    1. No, Offense.

      I wrote and experimented with this poem specifically
      for humor and the absurdity that plagues in everyday society.
      Plus, I’m going through something that is personal, a loss within a family.
      Writing this poem was a humor that I wanted the readers to feel and smile and laugh at this expense. 🙂

      I love Syd Barret the original Pink Floyd. 🙂

  12. Charlie, you do things with words few have ever considered. I found many of your lines hysterical; obviously so did many others. Keep writing, Charlie!

    1. The hilarity of things about poetry is knowing how to experiment with humor and giving it a flavor that must readers haven’t tasted before. 🙂

      I’m going to post some weird experimental writing for tomorrow and all week. 🙂

  13. This is wow. I could not stop reading and re-reading it. I am not regular with the blogs I read these days but returning to your blog is always a mood freshener. Sense of humour is the first point in a checklist of qualities required, I’d ever make!

  14. Jam-packed weekend … but I got here at last. (Not sure if I can make it through the remaining three dozen posts. Mentally knackered this week.) Thanks for offering your one-of-a-kind humour to the community. As I gathered from the comments, may I say I’m sorry for your loss, Charlie. Hope you’ll be able to laugh/cry hard through your poetry and feel better. My regards to your family. 🙂

  15. You weren’t kidding when you said it was a funny poem! Really hit out of the park with the humor for me – enjoyed thoroughly with a healthy bowl of chuckles. Thanks for Sharing this with all of us 🙂

Be Anonymous!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s