Gandalf’s Lesbian Fettuccine


Two hobbits one cup
let it play in –
like 5 nuns licking
a punching bag.
And Mona Lisa
shreds her version
of vagina fettuccine.

Westboro Baptist Church
your comical inventions
puts Kirk Cameron
on family feud.
You guys make holiness
feel gonorrhea & Coca cola.

Bob hope would pee
in his speedos –
if he’d found out
Frodo Baggins
was a lesbian pudding
filing for chapter 13 in bankruptcy.

Brad Pitt, you we’re right.
Antiperspirant leads to prostitution.
Take some advice
from Gandalf.
He shook hands with Bill Cosby
the king of Oscar Mayer Wieners.
Doesn’t that mean Whoopi Goldberg to you?
No, it doesn’t…
but if you sell me athlete’s foot
for $5 bucks, will call it ‘lee van cleef’, deal.



Copyright © 2017 Charlie Zero the Poet

All rights Reserved.

No part of Gandalf’s Lesbian Fettuccine – may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means: electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without prior permission. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Charlie Zero the Poet and his poetry works with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

79 thoughts on “Gandalf’s Lesbian Fettuccine

    beat generation—-“got the name—play the game”
    so many sensory delights
    and poets get hung up on bathroom functions
    will you hold my thing while I giggle ?
    will you tell the religions to wait ?
    gotta have one more go

    1. The band Primus said it best:
      It’s pudding bathroom time,
      without indulging in a poets meat-leaf.
      I did say brendan fraser
      giggled at martin lawrence expense.
      Everybody should be full unaware
      of Dr. Dre’s the beats.
      Many poets will run for the liquor store
      and be promised a commitment
      of wait generation
      and religious campbell soup.

  2. Lol , it brought bolognaise to my mind as I read. I love that. .
    The second para put me into contortions of laughter.
    Hahah. Bob pees like a sea biscuit. Lol what’s a lesbian pudding !
    The last one is ooh la la. God in heaven, how do you come up with these lines, Charlie.

    1. hahahaha!!! Lately, I’ve been on a roll this whole week in writing new humor material that will make you laugh hard that your stomach will hurt or just keep saying; ‘Where in the hell do i come up with this’. hahahahaha!!!!

      Since I was feeling low last week, I needed to shift in a new writing direction.

      Lesbian pudding is something that came to me automatically. A stream of poetic consciousness if you will. hahahahaha!!!!

      1. Omg 😲 I dig this kinda humor. That’s really letting your hair down , Charlie.
        I got a stitch in my tummy , I laughed so hard !
        Still smiling. Hope your feeling good now , Charlie. The hell you should be, you wrote a mighty hilarious interesting intelligent piece of art.

        1. Many more to come. I’m on a roll right now. hahahaha!!!

          Funny fact I just invented.

          Steve Buscemi once said to Jesus: Let there be burritos and I’ll add adam sandler to give it some pauly shore and 90201 series. hahahahaha!!!!

    1. Thank you friend. hahahaha!!!

      I’ve spent all this week writing brand new humorous poetry that will knock you off your feet. Can’t wait for this’ll laugh at everything including the title. Laughter is the best medicine one can give.

      Kirk Cameron was also a hair therapist & a plummer for the Village people. hahahahahaha!!!!

  3. So … it will be some time until I eat fettuccine, again!
    There’s a lot of outrage in your lines of humor, and it could be misconstrued. In the end I sense no laughter, only anger, in you!
    Brilliantly done, dear Charlie!

    1. hahahaha!!!! I knew that line would get you. hahahha!!!

      Your perspective brings an excellent observation.

      A little of both humor and anger. Yet, spontaneity kicks in the stream of poetic flows that come to me just out of nowhere.

      I’m glad you saw the humor and outrage of it all. Plus, we all need to laugh from time to time. 🙂

    1. I took a good look at his page and his writings. You are right. His work is up my alley. I’m curious to comment but, I see he has no one that comments his work. If I send him a comment I don’t know if he’ll reply back. How long have you known him for? He’s a really crazy writer.

      You have any other writers like him that are strange that you can recommend me?

      1. I don’t know, but worth a shot to post. He has a good number of followers, and I think we just watch this amazing stuff come out of him every day. Like watching surreal leaves fall from abused trees.

        1. His work reminds me of what I somewhat write. 🙂

          I just left a comment and I told him to hope to hear from him soon. 🙂

          Thank you so much for introducing me to him. 🙂 Surrealism is the best way to write and go about in today’s poetry community. 🙂

          1. As a youth, I was a “straight-up” surrealist, as it seemed a way to let the surprise of imagery illuminate reality. Now for me it is more part of a larger toolkit, but that fundamental belief remains, — that I can make the world anew in some fresh, new image.

    1. LOL!!!! I knew you’d get a hard laugh out of this.

      This humorous poem is just the beginning. I’ve been writing some weird funny poems. This Wednesday I can’t wait to post one and the title itself will make you laugh. hahahaha!!!!

      1. Can’t wait for it! I’m trying to read through all of your stuff right now, I’ve been on vacation and super busy so I’ve been lagging on the reading! Looking forward to more!

  4. You are a master of imagery, Charlie. I can’t get the vision of Bob Hope in Speedos out of my noggin. You know, if you juice a lemon every day, you won’t need antiperspirant in the first place – maybe I can end prostitution with that tidbit 😉

  5. This is brilliant, my friend. Seriously, this one is right up there with your best poetry. With the various pop culture references you allude to throughout the poem, I see this almost as a parody on how the media sensationalizes the news these days. Soren Kierkegaard, a 19th Century Danish philosopher, wrote a treatise entitled “The Present Age,” in which he states about the times in which he was living: “Nothing ever happens, but it is recorded everywhere.” While there is indeed a great deal going on in the world right now, I get the sense that the talking heads are making certain things out to be a lot worse than they actually are. Regardless, a terrific new poem, man. 🙂

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