Horoscope Bras and Jamaican Ovaries


Ashton Kushner,
you Barbra Streisand
looking mother-budweiser.
Why deny the brown stains
in your briefs?
Take Imodium
and hold Pepe Le Pew’s hand;
if you sense hot flashes
then it’s obviously your Hiroshima.
Stop crying Will Ferrell –
you’ll only sound Jamaican.

Pay close attention
to your Christmas ovaries.
They’ll jingle dodge ball hymns
through Rodney Dangerfield’s eyes.

Notice how Venezuela
plucked out UFO rhinos
from Marisa Tomei’s Armani.
Yeah, and Eminem
wears a horoscope bra
just so he can idolize scrambled eggs.

Watch yourself Garth Algar –
I’m doing the catwalk
working my pecs
and fixing myself a chilidog.
(Grrrr…grrr…) Stomach growling –
the noises inside indicate
a war between cocoa pecan butter,
and John Wayne Gacy’s T.V. guide.




Copyright © 2017 Charlie Zero the Poet

All rights Reserved.

No part of Horoscope Bras and Jamaican Ovaries – may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means: electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without prior permission. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Charlie Zero the Poet and his poetry works with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

99 thoughts on “Horoscope Bras and Jamaican Ovaries

    1. hahahaha!!! Bet the title had you laughing and everything else right? hahahahaha!!! I was on a roll when I wrote this humor weird experimental poem. I don’t know where the title came to in my head…but I was on a good one. hahahaha!!!

    1. Thank you Valiant soul. hahahahaha!!!

      My mind was on a roll. My home here in Hollywood has paid off of me mocking Celebrity and the current state. It’s quite interesting. I had to poke fun at everything that went on randomly at my head. 🙂

    1. Thank you Faye. 🙂

      I love experimenting with title and poetry structure to different types of levels.
      Most of which all my poems consist of ‘Cut up Techniques’.

      Hope you got a big laugh out of this poem. hahahaha!!! There’s more where these poems come from. 🙂

  1. Lmao 😂 I can’t write cus I am laughing so hard. Man, you you you are so so funny , and in such an interesting intellectual kinda way , it’s all in the stars ✨ bursting with laughter ! I swear that stitch in my tummy just can’t hold on longer hahahahaha! Thank you for the much needed laughs , Charlie.

  2. This is incredible! An absurdist romp through popular culture, particularly Hollywood, and mainstream media (at least, that’s how interpreted it.) I don’t know if you’ve ever read “Day of the Locust” by Nathanael West, but it’s the quintessential Hollywood novel. In it, he brilliantly (and by that, I mean satirically) portrays the Hollywood of the 1930s, but the story hasn’t aged a bit. It’s still the same crazy town of desperadoes and dreamers. All that aside, your poem reminds me of that novel. It’s a bleak, sun-drenched landscape yet it’s endlessly entertaining and horrifying. Excellent work, my friend. This just may be my favorite of your poems so far. 🙂

    1. I’ve never heard or read “Day of the Locust”. I’ll add it to my list of books to buy.
      Many in the pop culture of Hollywood can be easily mocked. A lot of absurdity within the celebrity community is unbearably naive and full of shit!

      I wanted to captured the humor of how people within Hollywood speak to one another in weird ways and not as civilized robots. I sure want to live in a world of weirdness and odd way of speaking to one another. hahahahaha!!!

      kevin costner said it best: If I wipe my ass hard enough, the twinkle of blood will rain down upon the dance floor. hahahahahaha!!!

    1. Thank you John.

      A wave and stream of poetic automatic write happen as I wrote this. I must of written like 7 or 8 of these absurd and strangely weird type humor. Especially the titles. hahahahaha!!!

      I think Kanya West said it best to a pot of rice.

      “Hey! stop being rice and start walking like Jesus but with a g-string. Then maybe I can worship tommy wiseau.”


  3. Imodium in his briefs. Awesome! I love this one, Charlie. I don’t mind if Will Ferrell sounds Jamaican at all. I think it would suit him. I am totally going to try that cocoa pecan butter later today. xo

    1. I have an active weird imagination. If you or anyone we’re to live inside my head for a day…you’ll drive yourself crazy or complete madness. hahahahaha!!!!

      I can barely survive in this real life world. hahahahaha!!!

      There’s more weird humor poems and weird titles coming soon. 🙂

  4. I love how you’ve made our current evils and celebrity shenanigans into instant colloquials in your poetry. Rub out the word, then replace with another word –

    1. Thank you Sherry.

      Our minds have all these unknowable portals that we aren’t even remotely aware of. I had to tap deeper and came across strange date of information. It all came to a big stream of everything in the pop culture celebrity world. I had to poke fun at what is absurd.

  5. I* am writing from my sick bed lying flat on my back my tablet held up in my arms. I am glad I read this. so very funny. I love the line about Ashton Kutcher. Just a real hoot. Did you ever watch the mvie The Groove Tube from 197something. That is a funny and sarcastic movie. this poem reminds me of that.

    1. Is everything okay? Do you have the flu? or cold?

      Well, I’m glad I can lift a smile and laughter. 🙂

      So, I took a look at the trailer of “The Groove Tube” movie.
      I am hooked and want to own the movie. It really does feel like its right up my alley.

      Thank you for recommending it. I sure do hope you get well and drink a lot of water, tea, orange juice and get lots of rest.

      1. I am having horrific back spasms and pain – for a week! Thank you for asking. It has a very young Richard Belzer (the king of the sardonic) in it. It just goes on and on from one satire to another. You may be too young to remember some of it. But it is still a hoot. I am having to lie down on the flat of my back and take tons of pain meds. Yeah….I’m cool. But I am drinking much water and lemonade. and eating pistachio gelato. How’s that for a mix?

  6. hummmmm….perhaps it is an acquired taste? Maybe I can acquire it….seemed to have something to say, perhaps I am too much a dolt to get it? I will keep trying…you call names like a “name dropper” and body parts? Hummmmm…..still trying.

  7. Very funny, Charlie! 😀 😀
    I’m not sure what is the most hilarious line. However, taking Imodium and holding Pepe Le Pew’s hand conjures up quite the image. Hot flashes being a Hiroshima could be a lot deeper, poignant than you ever considered. ⭐

    1. hahahaha!!! Thank you Resa.

      My mind was on a roll or maybe I had a strange day that I happen to let out so much humor and weird experimental imagery.

      Tomorrow’s post will be weirder and funny too. The title is longer and odd. You’ll see. 🙂 hahahaha!!!

  8. Oh, Charlie! Once again (and again) you have written a piece I am too dull to embrace, but I should. I can see the humor, and your are a wild man. We need wild men (and women) these days. Hallelujah!

    1. hahahaha!!! Nice. MTV acid. You nailed it my friend. 🙂

      “We are what we remember. If we lose our memory, we lose our identity and our identity is the accumulation of our experiences. When we walk down the memory lane, it can be unconsciously, willingly, selectively, impetuously or sometimes grudgingly. By following our stream of consciousness we look for lost time and things past. Some reminiscences become anchor points that can take another scope with the wisdom of hindsight. (“Walking down the memory lane” )”
      ― Erik Pevernagie

  9. I can’t read your poetry the way I normally read. Instead of reading full sentences at a time, I’m forced to slow down and visualize every single word. It’s a unique experience and I love it 😉 I’m having a lot of fun reading through your work!

    1. Thank you, friend. 🙂

      I thought you’d feel weird about reading this type of weird experimental poetry.

      Glad you enjoyed my 3 post and the titles.

      I was hoping it would be too much for the reader to comprehended of what they just read. hahahaha!!!!

  10. This is fun. I will come back to it.I need to analyse it 😉 One line that I’m pondering on is:

    Yeah, and Eminem
    wears a horoscope bra
    just so he can idolize scrambled eggs.

    I’ll be back

    1. I have a sense of life -eggs -ovulation- fate/destiny/ environment -nature versus nurture. the image that comes to mind is we are born with innate wisdom and potential. We have a chance to develop our character every moment- yet we doubt, look to others/media for approval- it kills our spirit/ messes with the neural pathways and chemicals in our brains. Maybe I am reading too much into it ;). – Menime – ‘ me, myself and I’ – names have power- words have power. I ramble. I ramble…. I think he is a lyrical genius- who didn’t want to sell out, realized he did-and was able to step out of the limelight. That shows true character. Destiny- the zodiac is a guide not set in stone.. Anyway…I digress… I’m off. Brilliant as always, my friend. Have you ever read Linda Goodmans ‘star signs’? A brilliant read- Take care! https://openlibrary.org/works/OL15145021W/Linda_Goodman%27s_star_signs

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