If – Russia hadn’t drank all the Dr. Pepper
my gastrointestinal tract would not have resembled
the 80’s version to David Hasselhoff.
If – Cantaloupe terrorist recite Victoria secret catalog;
Will Ferrell might claim bankruptcy on his hairy chest.
If – Tommy Wiseau dressed up like Rupaul
self-proclaim ‘Dentyne Ice’.
If – Maroon 5 makes another hit sitcom;
consider Bruce Willis a Neanderthal rodeo clown.
If – My pancreas can think of something clever
in the next 5 minutes, I’ll retire
from VH1 classic.
If – Poetry cuts down on calories
we should see improvements with Wayne’s World
and aurora Illinois.
If – Marvel’s Avengers Infinity War
makes me cry; please gather around an intervention
for the sake of Folgers Coffee.
If – Semicolon werewolves ate hootie & the blowfish.
If – Jack Daniels strip club was bigger than Chef Boyardee.
If – Gene Simmons stops being an asshole;
there’s a possibility that Chuck Norris hands could be used
as toilet paper.
If – Andy Dick lotions Satan’s abs;
sprinkle a dash of Barbara Walters.
If – Henry Rollins ever gave up on birth control pills;
his burrito supreme will shrink his masculinity.
If – Borat hi 5’s Jesus, you’ll have your faith
restored back to 1699.
If – Weird Al Yankovic parodies CSI: Miami;
I’ll give myself hot flashes just for the irony.
If – Deadpool serenades me with Chimichangas;
well then call Jules Winnfield and have us
some quarter pounder with cheese.
My friend ‘aFrankAngle‘ told us the poet community
to write an ‘IF’ challenge and I accepted
and here’s the result. Hope you all enjoyed.
love this one…you rose to the challenge!
Thank you.
I tried and did my best…It was a little easy to write…it only took my 10 minutes to try and pull off something clever or odd. 🙂
I did! Very much!
Awesome! Thank you. I worked really hard on this challenge poem last night. It took me 10 minutes to get it right and yes.
Every one of your ‘ifs’ was fun! I wouldn’t like anything in me looking like David Hasselhoff!
hahahahaha!!!! I agree there. Neither would I. Madonna yes, but not the Hoff. hahahahaha!!!
Ha ha ha! Madonna reciting a Victoria’s Secret catalog! By the way, did you know that Chuck Norris knows Victoria’s secret?
LOL!!!! It doesn’t surprise me that Chunk Norris knows Victoria secret personally. hahahahaha!!! In fact, Chuck’s secret is his lingerie. hahahaha!!!
Made out of metal?
No, made out of Chuck Norris is beard. hahahahaha!!!
Made them himself with knitting needles, at night and secretly so nobody knows.
hahahaha!!! Right. hahahaha!!! It wouldn’t surprise me that Chuck would. 🙂 LOL!!!!
It’s awesome talking to you. My apologies for my late response. Been busy writing and coming up with some great material that I will be posting next Monday. I can’t wait. 🙂
No problem! I can’t wait to see what you’ve been up to!
Trust me…I’ve been working on a lot and I’m just so happy to introduce it to all the readers. 🙂
I trust you and I’ll be waiting
🙂
While your at it. Go to YouTube and listen to Nine Inch Nails song: Not anymore. 🙂
I found Not Anymore Reversed. Keeps saying I’m a mistake oh yeah
No…hahahaha!!! Not the reverse…just the actual song itself. Some NIN fans have been having a kick out of doing reverse meanings to a song. If you listen to the actual song you’ll love it.
Alright! I’ll go check again!
You’ll like the song. If not, I’ll recommend something else.
Couldn’t find it. But I’m listening to Less Than. It’s great! Goes with your poetry!
It is a great song. You saw the music video to it right?
Okay, type in on YouTube the song: “Running” by Nine Inch Nails. Trust me, I think you’ll love that song. There’s something about that song makes me feel like I’m in a world that’s either empty or on a beach that’s lonely.
That’s great too!
You liked it? Isn’t his voice very hopeful but yet, sad at the same time.
It sounds to me, combined with the music, as if he’s into a secret or something, and he’s dropping some hints in a playful way, knowing the secret isn’t very pleasant, so it’s better to take it lightly.
Maybe you can call that sad and hopeful at the same time, yes.
Excellent perspective. He plays it well with hints of secrets and keeping the listener at ease with his melodic voice.
Question: Are you into noise bands?
By that I mean, electronic noise.
Give some examples?
Here’s a list of Industrial electronic bands I recommend you checking out.
1. Throbbing Gristle
2. Front 242
3. skinny puppy
4. Front Line Assembly
5. Ministry
6. KMFDM
7. Gravity Kills
8. Meat Beat Manifesto
9. Coil (band)
10. Atari Teenage Riot
11. Sneaker Pimps
Enjoy all these musician electronic bands.
Thanks! No, I don’t know them, except for Ministry. I’ll check them out.
I’m more into sounds like that of Sima Deep when it comes to electronic music. You can type it on YouTube and find dozens of sets. They are all excellent, if you like this kind of music.
I’d also recommend two of my most beloved tracks.
Traumprinz – Believe
Dyson – Kalipo
You like Ministry? Awesome!
So, I took a good listen of the electronic bands you recommended me.
I really loved and enjoyed listening to:
Sima Deep its very relaxing and soothing. The music takes me to a whole new world of just dancing and enjoying life for what it is.
Also, Traumprinz – Believe was a sensational song. I felt like I was at a rave or concert. Surrounded by people who love music just for the love of life and how music heals us all.
And last Dyson – Kalipo that song is so good and I got inspiration from it. You have great taste in electronic music.
Okay, my turn to introduce you to another electronic band. You’ll love them.
Blanck Mass – Rhesus Negative
Blanck Mass – Please
Blanck Mass – The Rat
Blanck Mass – Silent Treatment
Blanck Mass – D7-D5
Listen to these songs from Blanck Mass.
Did listen to the songs I sent you to listen? What you think.
I loved skinny puppy! They have a style of their own, dark and vibrating. I haven’t listened to the rest because life interfered, but I will.
Good to hear that you were inspired by Dyson. I’ve used it too as a writing background. Yes, these djs are all about living in the moment, dancing and not giving an eff about what’s happening outside the club. I don’t know about others, but I love this piece of eternity.
Glad you liked it too!
Well done, dear Charlie! I love this because it is as funny, possibly as a funny bone is funny, and/or another funny. That’s the way it is with your poetry, Charlie. It’s like “matryoshka” (матрёшка) dolls. One nests inside another that is nested inside another, within, yet, another, another, another, etc! The meanings do not stop with the world of words.
I tried really hard to pull off a hilarious theme with ‘IF’ and pop culture by being weird about it. hahahahaha!!!!
If birds nest different colored eggs that’s a sure indication that aliens are among us. 🙂
😀 😀 😀
hahahaha!!!
Some of them made me laugh..some are references that a resident of Scotland just does’nae ken 😉
Or one in the U.S. either. 🙂
Glad you got some laughs at this poem. 🙂 I wanted to bring a humor to the prompt.
This was terrific, Charlie. I’m so glad you gave me a hint of your madness. Cheers.
Thank you, John.
Glad you got to experience a bit of my madness and humor of things.
Franks prompt did challenge me a lot. 🙂
😀
Charlie,
I never got past the word “Semicolon”
I started thinking who would have permission to touch semicolons
probably females are free to touch semicolons
but males would never be free to touch semicolons
and that thought set me off
on the Sexual McCarthyism of 2018
(and I thought that I would never be witness to “McCarthyism” in my lifetime)
yes Charlie, “Sexual McCarthyism”
accused and found guilty without trial
shamed in public
robbed of wealth
booted from hard earned employment
ONE FAULTY FACET IN A GEM OF MANY
I say, “pull out the large magnifying glass and permit us a closer look
at everyone. should be interesting.”
Michael,
Never had the word “IBM”.
I began to think about Gandhi
and his belief in Darwinism magic,
perhaps he wanted to resurrect Octavo Paz –
But the truth, Ginsberg mimic the ultra-eye
and sent me off
on a cyber-punk manifesto of 2018.
(And I thought I had never witnessed Neuromancer in my life.
Yes Michael, “Neuromancer computers”
hacked into the future of our history books.
The past glitched
from clairvoyant ACCESS mirrors
and its nearby techno utopia of hackers.
Is Semicolon Werewolves the name of a group? If not, it should be. 🙂
No it isn’t. I did extensive research just to see if there was, but no. Although, now that you bring this to my attention. I think I just started something. 🙂
That would be a cool name for a band…very experimental noise/avant-garde jazz/harsh noise electronics.
🙂
LOL …. great one Charlie … and I didn’t need a dictionary! 😉 … You not only met the Challenge, you did it in your style!!! My favorite line was the one with Bruce Willis. 🙂
Right…No dictionary this time around…just enjoy the humorous imagery. 🙂
Bruce Willis. hahahahaha!!!! I knew that’d get your laughing. hahahaha!!!
Yes! well done, Charlie.
Thank you, Eugenia.
Glad you enjoyed reading this poetry prompt challenge. 🙂 Hope you had a good laugh.
😀
If only Russia hadn’t drunk all the Dr. Pepper! That messed us all up!
hahahahahaha!!!
It messed me up too. hahaha!!! well, I don’t drink Dr. Pepper, but the thought of Russian’s drinking it all just doesn’t feel the same. hahahaha!!!!
LOLOL! Great!
🙂
That was indeed hilarious!
hahahahaha!!! Right. It took me awhile but, I think I nailed the humor part of it all.
Glad you stopped by and enjoyed a laughter or to.
This one is so full of memorable and even quotable bits! Brilliant use of language!
Thank you, Jan.
The poem was a last minute free style/stream of consciousness writing feel.
I’m glad you enjoyed the language and the thought process that went with it. Plus, I needed to try something different for once. I’m glad I wrote this.
I love this so hard. ❤
Thank you, Kindra.
Hope you got a good laugh at what you read. hahahaha!!! I needed to try something different to writing. 🙂
I did laugh! And I needed it, so thank you friend! ❤
🙂
Wow, you never post on Fridays, so I didn’t even see this until just now. Bravo, my friend! Awesome poem. Poetry with power is back, and you’re leading it with guns out and banners waving! You clearly have the pulse on what’s going on. You observe and everything you see and filter in through in such a way that is both compelling and reflective of the times in which it is written. This is one of my absolute favorite works by you. Thank you for gracing us with its presence!
Hello my friend. Love this. Happy Valentines. Dropped by to wish you because I’d like one of your poems to be my valentine. Works?
Glad you’ve enjoyed this humorous experimental poetry challenge. 🙂
Sounds cool. 🙂
Oh btw I mentioned you in a post
link
https://thecountgustaf.wordpress.com/2018/02/14/the-liebster-award-lobster/
like some newspaper; pure quintessence of reality 😉
Wow, I need time to get my head around that one! 🙂
Hahahah!!! Fantastic!
Did you somewhat understand this poem? In terms of playing with the humor and all?
Lol I think my comment confirmed that
hahahahahah!!!! LOL!!! Cheers!
NOW I get it! Thanks for explaining things so well. You da champ.
yay!!! You got it my friend. 🙂 Did you like the title as well?