Despondency Act 13: Mr. Blue Frantically Smiled


The bluest flower
playing Russian roulette;
it cried uncontrollably –
tormented by happiness,
Beelzebub…quietly observed.



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64 thoughts on “Despondency Act 13: Mr. Blue Frantically Smiled

    1. A vision of nightmare came to me as I wrote this.

      The thought of Beelzebub just watching as the blue flower is going to pull the trigger of such games.

      I figure someone out there is feeling the lowest of lows and depression is a serious issue that we all need to support and help those who want a friend to talk to or be there for them.

        1. Correct.

          I know people who judge others based on mental depression. They can’t seem to know what to do because they are not in our shoes to feel or experience it enough. If people understood depression they would understand and not judge.

    1. Thank you my friend.

      Felt very distress at the time I wrote this one. It give me nightmares just thinking about this poor blue flower
      which is the metaphor of depression and how it serious affecting anyone who is feeling this exact way.

      Question: How are you feeling? Is everything in life treating you well?

      1. I okay Charlie. Thank you for asking. Life is life. I wait for the path to appear at my feet and hope I step right

        Many hugs to you xxx

    1. Great analysis.

      In my dream it felt too real that I couldn’t control the fact of the symbolism behind it,
      or, the idea that depression looks tormented beyond comprehension.
      It’s as if the blue flower in the field has had enough or the metaphor one person struggling deeply and realizes life and the people he/or she works with is a complete joke.

    1. Thank you my friend.

      In case you weren’t aware. This post is the last one of the ‘Despondency series’.
      Next Monday, I will be launching a 13 new series of weirdly experimental poetry. Their short as well.

      Back to the poem now. I had nightmares when I wrote this one. The external suffering of life and not being completely happy for what life truly is.

    1. Thank you.

      The blue flower in the field vs the world around it. It suffers greatly without hesitation.
      Yet again, we can’t know for sure how many people in this world feel that they are at their breaking point?
      It’s scary to ask, because would anyone care? Especially in this day in age.

      I watched this episode of ‘Black Mirror’ the other day. Called smithereens.

      A man hits his breaking point…in the series he wants to contact this high profile wannabe Zuckerberg.
      When he does get him on the line, the dreadful man expresses grief that he lost his wife in a car accident and he blames the zuckerberg guy who created this website for all to enjoy and see what’s happening around the world. The dreadful man can’t stand technology, long story short, he puts the gun in his mouth and the show ends black and you hear the trigger being go off. Then the cameras show the world watching on their phones and no one cares and they all move on with their day. And the zuckerberg guy, he doesn’t or never cared to listen to the mans cries so he hung up the phone and stand down on the floor meditating peaceful without a care for that man.

      1. That’s a dark concept and very thought provoking. I love Black Mirror for that exact reason. I sometimes finish an episode and feel such dismay – and that means they’re doing their job. Art, in any form, is meant to evoke something. It’s not always going to be a positive, Instagram-micro-poem platitude, ignore-the-harsh-realities-of-life-stepford-wife sort of emotion. It can (and I would argue should often be) difficult and uncomfortable. The human experience is complex. I believe we learn from confronting ugly things with compassionate hearts. As a recent survivor (two of my closest friends a year apart) of suicide, as someone left in the haunting undertow of that experience, I can say with some degree of certainty, that, while that episode of Black Mirror portrayed some very concerning elements of human society, on a smaller level there is generally always someone who cares. Even the loneliest, most destitute people. Someone. Fucking. Cares. Hell, I care. Anyone who is contemplating that right now – I care. People at their breaking point. They may not know it at the time but we always leave a footprint of our souls on someone, somewhere.

        That being said.

        Our plugged in and tuned out culture doesn’t help. I believe it distracts us from being in the moment or recognizing our value on a more intimate level.

        1. I’m deeply sorry for both of your friends loss. 😦 My condolences.

          You are right, any art form can evoke and make the reader feel uncomfortable
          or, re-assuring that hope is still within us.
          It’s a crazy life and I know that you and I, show and care of anyone who is dealing with extreme depression
          or is going through something that he/or she should not be alone.

          I’m very disappointed at our culture today. I’m glad I ain’t a part in their problems that they themselves some blinded and ignorant.

  1. Perception and truth , the conflict , the torment. You write a heart wrenching verse , Charlie. I think everything in life is painful and life is one long road of depression even though we fight not to show it, some are strong , some can’t handle stuff !
    I think we need to learn to master our dilemmas.
    You are astute , Charlie and you compel us to awaken our intellect, invading our thoughts 😊

    1. I think that’s the only way we can confront our depression and beat it down or tame it,
      and remind depression of why you are tormenting us. It’s a balance that can put a hold on both scales.

      “I don’t fear death so much as I fear its prologues: loneliness, decrepitude, pain, debilitation, depression, senility. After a few years of those, I imagine death presents like a holiday at the beach.” ~ Mary Roach

      1. I’m not sure it can be beaten or tamed, but that’s not to discourage or deflate anyone who suffers from it. Mental illness is literally built into our DNA. You can’t… undo something in your genetic code. In some ways I think that’s where we falter, trying to “overcome” something that is an integral element of our chemistry. So what does that mean and where does that leave us? It means we need to approach it differently. Think about someone born with hemophilia. Therapy to help them cope emotionally with the challenges of the condition and the right combination of medicine can help ease some of the symptoms. But they will never be “rid” of it. So I tell those I love to .. whatever degree they can – accept it. Not surrender. Accept. Let it be a part of you. Give yourself permission to have an illness. By welcoming it and accepting that it’s a part of you, it loses some of its grip.

        Ever notice how when you’re in a bad dream and you scream at yourself to wake up – it never works? Or if you’re caught in quicksand, struggling actually makes you sink faster? It’s the same principle. We exhaust ourselves fighting against turbulent waves. But if we relax our bodies and float… we are carried with the tide. Just some food for thought.

        1. I agree with your statement here:

          ” whatever degree they can – accept it. Not surrender. Accept. Let it be a part of you. Give yourself permission to have an illness. By welcoming it and accepting that it’s a part of you, it loses some of its grip.”

          I struggle with depression and anxiety…I’ve tried to contain it but, it never works and I have come to the realization, this is who I am and I’ve accepted it and accepted the idea of death. I was afraid and still am afraid of thoughts of death. Have to remind myself everyday of it.

          The ending of what you said…I’ll keep it in mind and remember it clearly. The tide I must welcome it. Thank you so much.

      2. By the way – Depression has never been an affliction of mine but I have dealt with severe anxiety / panic disorder for most of my adult life. Both are brutal and debilitating for different reasons. There was a time when I was convinced I was dying 24/7, I was too terrified to leave the house, it was like my fight or flight switch literally got stuck in the on position. It was rough and that’s an understatement. But I’m a fighter so I fought with myself for months. I tried to WILL myself to stop being afraid. And I hated myself most of the time because I couldn’t make an inch of progress. It sounds stupid but someone told me in passing not to fight the tide – and that struck me, because I’d never thought about it that way. I was not helping myself from emotionally drowning by struggling. In fact I was unintentionally prolonging it by “failing” myself. Of course I utilized therapy and modern medicine which are excellent tools. But my healing started when I allowed myself to float….

        1. I’m so sorry you have dealt with anxiety & panic disorder for a long time.

          I know the feeling when you said, “There was a time when I was convinced I was dying 24/7, I was too terrified to leave the house”

          This exactly is how I felt when I lost 2 important people in my life. 24/7 I felt death near me and in my dreams.
          I stay home must of the time and I cried uncontrollably. I even tried watching comedy at one point…and I couldn’t stand it or watch it. And I got panic attacks that man…death gave me a taste of what it feels. It terrified me and now, I’ve accepted everything and I try my best to fight.

          My girlfriend and I, use organic stress relief pills to help us ease and calm us. It works here and there but our minds are much strong complex.

      3. I agree with you, Charlie. But can we bring in the balance. Sometimes we can, sometimes we can’t!
        Mary says the truth. I wonder why life gets to be like that but then if it didn’t , then it would be heaven , grrrrrrr

  2. That blue flower is obviously crying out for help, tormented by a happiness it just can’t seem to attain, but desperately wants to have… and there’s that old Beelzebub… standing by like a vulture waiting to pluck that flower from the ground. It’s a shame how the cruel and coldhearted prey on the weak and hope for their demise. Loved the imagery you painted in this one, Charlie. This is very relatable for me.

    1. This is by far the greatest interpretation of my work I’ve ever read. You analyzed it so well.

      Yes, the blue flower aches with so much pain that it just can’t stand the happiness in the world because its life was unfair and nothing good ever came its way.

  3. Tormented by happiness – love that line Charlie… and li resonates strongly for me. Visible happiness or cheeriness in a person often pisses me off — makes me want to smack the silly grin off their face… but only sometimes.

    1. You are correct Rob.

      I wrote this micro poem during my depression state that I was in. Plus, I’ve had before tons of nightmares and I wrote all of them down especially this one. I figure anyone can relate to this theme and its message.

      I know exactly what you mean about cheeriness people. They put on a mask and want to be fake for the world to see them. When in fact, they are sad inside.

    1. Thank you Grace.

      Very glad you felt the power and emotions that I poured into this micro poem. 🙂

      I wanted to display a heartfelt visual aspect to the deep core of my heart and how anyone can feel in such a spiral of depression.

    1. Thank you. I thought you can read a side of me you’ve never read before. I know my work usually is experimental. I love hiding behind complex and weird imagery. So, this series is for you to better get a close understanding of the human side of me and how I feel. 🙂

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