Mockumentary Events

 

Breaking News!

Espionage veto
discussed cereal rehabilitation
and bullshit hot toilet syndrome.

Morning testicle sex!

Culture ‘Heisenberg’ signing robots
for obscenity poem.
Senor-duh
massaged my carnivore.

Monday fungal wars
declared by
droowit-dingo seizure.

Steve nasalcrock
authorized
 mockumentary marshmallow emphysema.

The wizard-suicidelitis
decapitating
Amish enchilada.

Has 2+2 solved vegan pubic cleavage?

Do humans speak gruesome Caucasian?

Epileptic cabbage
spreads
its
asshole dollar symptom
to
Dick Tracy.

 

Copyright © 2019 Charlie Zero the Poet

All rights Reserved.

No part of Mockumentary Events – may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means: electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without prior permission.  Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.  Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Charlie Zero the Poet and his poetry works with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

 

 

 

If Semicolon Werewolves Recite Chef Boyardee

 

If – Russia hadn’t drank all the Dr. Pepper
my gastrointestinal tract would not have resembled
the 80’s version to David Hasselhoff.

If – Cantaloupe terrorist recite Victoria secret catalog;
Will Ferrell might claim bankruptcy on his hairy chest.

If – Tommy Wiseau dressed up like Rupaul
self-proclaim ‘Dentyne Ice’.

If – Maroon 5 makes another hit sitcom;
consider Bruce Willis a Neanderthal rodeo clown.

If – My pancreas can think of something clever
in the next 5 minutes, I’ll retire
from VH1 classic.

If – Poetry cuts down on calories
we should see improvements with Wayne’s World
and aurora Illinois.

If – Marvel’s Avengers Infinity War
makes me cry; please gather around an intervention
for the sake of Folgers Coffee.

If – Semicolon werewolves ate hootie & the blowfish.

If – Jack Daniels strip club was bigger than Chef Boyardee.

If – Gene Simmons stops being an asshole;
there’s a possibility that Chuck Norris hands could be used
as toilet paper.

If – Andy Dick lotions Satan’s abs;
sprinkle a dash of Barbara Walters.

If – Henry Rollins ever gave up on birth control pills;
his burrito supreme will shrink his masculinity.

If – Borat hi 5’s Jesus, you’ll have your faith
restored back to 1699.

If – Weird Al Yankovic parodies CSI:  Miami;
I’ll give myself hot flashes just for the irony.

If – Deadpool serenades me with Chimichangas;
well then call Jules Winnfield and have us
some quarter pounder with cheese.

 

 

 

 

 

 

My friend ‘aFrankAngle‘ told us the poet community
to write an ‘IF’ challenge and I accepted
and here’s the result. Hope you all enjoyed.

Lamas Dipped in Vagisil & Amish

 

Harpo Marx used a pizza wagon
to lure Ariel, John Hinckley,
& Lamas.
He takes them home
for soup recipes
and creates a dipping sauce
called: “Vagisil & Amish.”
Cosmo Kramer
you penny pincher scallop –
make love to the wall pervert.
Macaulay Culkin
does impressions
of KFC & Jheri curls.
Just ask Mariah Carey –
she’s a marine rectumologist,
she’s Danny DeVito’s pacifier.

Raphael wiggum,
are you rabieist? No!
Good, because imitating
Tupac Shakur is considered bronchitis.
Pineapples & Sharon Tate
tough to choose, I’ll pick…

Meredith brooks vs. Cinnamon toast crunch.
I’d love to see a Dave Chappelle skit –
involving Sammy Davis Jr. as Doctor Satan the pimp
and Mickey Rourke as Ursula the paparazzi manwhore.

You’re Welcome.

 

 

 

Copyright © 2017 Charlie Zero the Poet

All rights Reserved.

No part of Lamas Dipped in Vagisil & Amish – may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means: electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without prior permission. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Charlie Zero the Poet and his poetry works with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Midget Fabio Rehearsed Oreo Threesomes

 

Hey! Midget Fabio
you two timing rap podiatrist –
explain how Captain Spaulding
got cone holes shaped
like Kiefer Sutherland’s womanhood.

Bill Nye stop plagiarizing
telegraphs and wear something taco,
try chicken catheters or guacamole rhymes.
They make great concoctions
of elevating legs, bitching,
& Mark Wahlberg.

Katy Perry neglect McDonald’s
focus more on Oreo threesomes.
You get half price deals
off Ricky Martin & Joanie loves Chachi.

Trust me…Morgan freeman
rehearsed every line to ‘oops I blew it again’.
And by that he meant; tuna casserole.

 

 

Copyright © 2017 Charlie Zero the Poet

All rights Reserved.

No part of Midget Fabio Rehearsed Oreo Threesomes – may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means: electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without prior permission. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Charlie Zero the Poet and his poetry works with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Topless Hamsters of Popcorn Foreplay

 

Marty Mcfly
Jesus looking constipator.
Kevin Bacon
outperformed you
as a
plummer.

 Mr. Fauci,
a renowned
urinal stall masturbator
I mean
Taco Bell.

 Kanye’s interviews
remind me of
popcorn foreplay
&
“psychiatric asparagus.”

 Matthew McConaugheys voice
sounds like
topless hamsters
torturing tofu
while
doing backflips
near the Mississippi river.

 

 

Copyright © 2017 Charlie Zero the Poet

All rights Reserved.

No part of Topless Hamsters of Popcorn Foreplay – may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means: electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without prior permission. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Charlie Zero the Poet and his poetry works with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

The Ethel Mertz Saga

The Compassion of the Lettuce
directed
&
written
by: Mel Gibson.

 Howard Stern
got
a sex change
resembling
prophylactic.

 Zombie wizards
open their
first annual
Volkswagen Blowjob.

Ethel Mertz
unconsciously
does a cartwheel
that
penalized fart glaucoma.

 Starring
Clam chowder athlete’s foot,
Arby’s parking lot,
Diet genitalia,
and Gucci booty Pepto-Bismol.

Coming soon to an imagination near you.

Copyright © 2017 Charlie Zero the Poet

All rights Reserved.

No part of  The Ethel Mertz Saga – may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means: electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without prior permission. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Charlie Zero the Poet and his poetry works with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Mostly Indie Bird Shit

I am tired of hipster music
shoving it up our asses.
My
hemorrhoids
“Flop at the box office.”

Michael Cera
you
indie DMV chlamydia,
Anti-aging bird shit.
Oops!
That last reference
was for Tom Cruise.

Speaking of psychopath lotion.
Whose idea to trademark
“devilish horn hands”?
Gene Simmons
the douchebag…got it.

Copyright © 2017 Charlie Zero the Poet

All rights Reserved.

No part of  Mostly Indie Bird Shit – may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means: electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without prior permission. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Charlie Zero the Poet and his poetry works with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Horoscope Bras and Gingerbread Catheter

Ashton Kutcher,
your last name
a euphemism
for brown stain briefs.

Horoscope bras and gingerbread catheter!

Will Ferrell
covered
in
eyeliner
mimicking scrambled eggs.

Gaddafi
theorized
that
fetal position
comes
from
the Latin term:
‘Dodge ball nutsack piss bleeder’.

Garth Algar,
you make
Marisa Tomei’s hair
look like
an Armani catwalk tear gas riot.

 Namaste!

 

Copyright © 2017 Charlie Zero the Poet

All rights Reserved.

No part of  Horoscope Bras and Gingerbread Catheter – may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means: electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without prior permission. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Charlie Zero the Poet and his poetry works with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Gandalf’s Lesbian Fettuccine

 

Two hobbits one cup
5 nuns licking
a punching bag.
Mona Lisa
shredded
her version
of cocker spaniel fettuccine.

Kirk Cameron
conceived
aquatic
pubes
to www dot (Tommy Wino) dot huh.

Frodo Baggins
made lesbian pudding
from chapter 13.

Brad Pitt signed a proposal
Prop 100: Gandalf prostitution
and my
Oscar Mayer Wiener.

 

 

Copyright © 2017 Charlie Zero the Poet

All rights Reserved.

No part of Gandalf’s Lesbian Fettuccine – may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means: electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without prior permission. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Charlie Zero the Poet and his poetry works with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

I’m a Smart Ass without Brains on my Cheeks


Oprah Winfrey donated her greatest invention –

vagina enhancement pumps.
They make Rupert Murdoch’s suit
resemble a burnt charcoal,
not to mention the heroin drug trade
by Baskin Robbins.

I know most of you think
that I’m a smart ass –
when in fact, my ass cheek
doesn’t have a brain.

People always assume
that I’m high.
False: I only say hi
if I’m nice or extremely hungry.
In this case
looks can be deceiving right Bill Cosby?

Lately, I’ve been having chest pains.
I went to the doctors
to get some x-rays.

10 minutes – results are in.
just as I suspected
you have an illuminati candle
stuck to your hairy chest.

Whoever votes for Trump –
may god have mercy on your genitals,
unless of course
you’re a dog and gets neutered,
I don’t see why you shouldn’t
look like Alice copper. Now there’s an Idea.

 

 

Copyright © Charlie Zero

All rights Reserved.

No part of I’m a Smart Ass without Brains on my Cheeks – may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means: electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without prior permission. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Charlie Zero and his poetry works with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.