Mockumentary Events

 

Breaking News!

News anchor (Droowit-dingo) reporting live:

3 giant assholes broke
into a Caucasian retirement closet,
they’ve stolen $3 +
a 4 weeks cruise to Capitol Hill.
Pomeranian authorities entered
the home Monday morning at 4am –
When a sex crazed neighbor
shouted obscenities
towards farmers market
and Chrysler Jeep.
What the authorities
discovered next
was the most gruesome
& exhilarating thing
since emphysema & Star wars.

Reporting live:

(Senor Duh)

It appears my enchilada testicle regimen
has dropped tremendously
41% on the bullshit espionage.

And speaking of bullshit –
the culprits left a note
indicating ‘Alex Trebek’ prophesies
a self-help book on whatever,
and decapitating marshmallow soup.

Here’s what the poem says:

“Brain culture
is an epileptic seizure
known as ‘Heisenberg’.
To induce its legacy: 
feed the wish list
a Donahue show,
a massage fungal tweezers,
& alligator palm reader.

What are some of your symptoms?

Wizard suicidelitis,
hot toilet syndrome,
CNNtitis,
& Corduroy swap meet disorder.”

There you have it folks.

A stroke throat
spewing a dozen wallets,
veto the sea rat rehabilitation –
alas, major sweat
bought off every pubic wig
and post mailed it
to ‘movies internal cabbage’.

Back to you (Droowit-dingo)!

Thank you for that ‘Senor Duh’.

Cunning & Rich!

More on the latest news today:

Vegans had more hemorrhaging than dinosaurs.

That’s part of heritage I do not want to be a part of.
Matter fact, carnivores solved the mystery 2+2.

Now, here’s a political debate –
I’d very much love to discuss
with my audience.

Let’s start with ‘Reese’s pieces’.
You got ‘Al gore’ sitting between
2 transvestite robots/
while Steve nasalcrock
punctures the universe dollar sign.

If that doesn’t rally up
some economic growth
or tangerine Amish,
consider me done as senior adviser;
give bobo baggins
the Instagram cleavage he deserves.
Oh…Kanye, no yoga Pilates/
those are specifically used
by humans and their bell pepper cereal.

From all of us here
on mockumentary events;
this is (Droowit-dingo) signing off
good night and please god (Don’t speed).

 

 

 

Copyright © 2019 Charlie Zero the Poet

All rights Reserved.

No part of Mockumentary Events – may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means: electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without prior permission.  Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.  Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Charlie Zero the Poet and his poetry works with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

 

 

 

If Semicolon Werewolves Recite Chef Boyardee

 

If – Russia hadn’t drank all the Dr. Pepper
my gastrointestinal tract would not have resembled
the 80’s version to David Hasselhoff.

If – Cantaloupe terrorist recite Victoria secret catalog;
Will Ferrell might claim bankruptcy on his hairy chest.

If – Tommy Wiseau dressed up like Rupaul
self-proclaim ‘Dentyne Ice’.

If – Maroon 5 makes another hit sitcom;
consider Bruce Willis a Neanderthal rodeo clown.

If – My pancreas can think of something clever
in the next 5 minutes, I’ll retire
from VH1 classic.

If – Poetry cuts down on calories
we should see improvements with Wayne’s World
and aurora Illinois.

If – Marvel’s Avengers Infinity War
makes me cry; please gather around an intervention
for the sake of Folgers Coffee.

If – Semicolon werewolves ate hootie & the blowfish.

If – Jack Daniels strip club was bigger than Chef Boyardee.

If – Gene Simmons stops being an asshole;
there’s a possibility that Chuck Norris hands could be used
as toilet paper.

If – Andy Dick lotions Satan’s abs;
sprinkle a dash of Barbara Walters.

If – Henry Rollins ever gave up on birth control pills;
his burrito supreme will shrink his masculinity.

If – Borat hi 5’s Jesus, you’ll have your faith
restored back to 1699.

If – Weird Al Yankovic parodies CSI:  Miami;
I’ll give myself hot flashes just for the irony.

If – Deadpool serenades me with Chimichangas;
well then call Jules Winnfield and have us
some quarter pounder with cheese.

 

 

 

 

 

 

My friend ‘aFrankAngle‘ told us the poet community
to write an ‘IF’ challenge and I accepted
and here’s the result. Hope you all enjoyed.

Lamas Dipped in Vagisil & Amish

 

Harpo Marx used a pizza wagon
to lure Ariel, John Hinckley,
& Lamas.
He takes them home
for soup recipes
and creates a dipping sauce
called: “Vagisil & Amish.”
Cosmo Kramer
you penny pincher scallop –
make love to the wall pervert.
Macaulay Culkin
does impressions
of KFC & Jheri curls.
Just ask Mariah Carey –
she’s a marine rectumologist,
she’s Danny DeVito’s pacifier.

Raphael wiggum,
are you rabieist? No!
Good, because imitating
Tupac Shakur is considered bronchitis.
Pineapples & Sharon Tate
tough to choose, I’ll pick…

Meredith brooks vs. Cinnamon toast crunch.
I’d love to see a Dave Chappelle skit –
involving Sammy Davis Jr. as Doctor Satan the pimp
and Mickey Rourke as Ursula the paparazzi manwhore.

You’re Welcome.

 

 

 

Copyright © 2017 Charlie Zero the Poet

All rights Reserved.

No part of Lamas Dipped in Vagisil & Amish – may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means: electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without prior permission. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Charlie Zero the Poet and his poetry works with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Midget Fabio Rehearsed Oreo Threesomes

 

Hey! Midget Fabio
you two timing rap podiatrist –
explain how Captain Spaulding
got cone holes shaped
like Kiefer Sutherland’s womanhood.

Bill Nye stop plagiarizing
telegraphs and wear something taco,
try chicken catheters or guacamole rhymes.
They make great concoctions
of elevating legs, bitching,
& Mark Wahlberg.

Katy Perry neglect McDonald’s
focus more on Oreo threesomes.
You get half price deals
off Ricky Martin & Joanie loves Chachi.

Trust me…Morgan freeman
rehearsed every line to ‘oops I blew it again’.
And by that he meant; tuna casserole.

 

 

Copyright © 2017 Charlie Zero the Poet

All rights Reserved.

No part of Midget Fabio Rehearsed Oreo Threesomes – may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means: electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without prior permission. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Charlie Zero the Poet and his poetry works with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Topless Hamsters of Popcorn Foreplay

 

Mcfly you’re smarter
than Fran drescher
leave the pluming duties to Jesus.
After all – eddy murphy
sought custody of Kevin bacon
and Weird Al Yankovic.

Tom Petty carried
a dozen yoga mats,
fully realizing a giant sourdough crust.
With every non-dairy urinal,
you regain popcorn immunities
resembling fruit roll ups.
Talk about immigration foreplay.

Socks placenta
during tattoo barber shops,
feed them disco feminist retainers –
and you’ll receive a cramp
the size of a topless hamster.
Matthew Mcconaughey
even agreed tofu anus donuts
against his own pancreas –
should never squeeze
the watermelons of Saddam Hussein.

I smell a lawsuit…
well, add some ground pepper,
shoelaces, playboy magazines,
& Jon Bon Jovi, you’ll be good.

 

 

 

Copyright © 2017 Charlie Zero the Poet

All rights Reserved.

No part of Topless Hamsters of Popcorn Foreplay – may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means: electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without prior permission. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Charlie Zero the Poet and his poetry works with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Lucille Ball Crucifies Ice Cream and Karma Sutras Zombie Wizards

 

My name is beavis
I cook for Hitler’s Volkswagen –
Spielberg handles the ice cream,
Mel Gibson crucifies Lettuce.
Prayer gives you Howard Sterns,
like Madonna sex changing
into her gift reward card.

Hello, Paula Deen –
care for some racist butter?
Yes! And may Alec Baldwin
continue giving me bj’s –
so zombie wizards and George Clooney
can co-exist in economical bourbon.

Think physics before
solving macadamia salty nuts.
Arby’s & FBI
put grapes on 9/11
using karma sutra
as brochures to Disneyland adventure.

Lucille Ball, finally!
You own Frances Coppola’s peppermint stick.
Life is a piece of cumberbatch.
There’s no telling how the CIA
could ever out run, a pancake mixer.

 

 

 

 

Copyright © 2017 Charlie Zero the Poet

All rights Reserved.

No part of Lucille Ball Crucifies Ice Cream and Karma Sutras Zombie Wizards – may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means: electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without prior permission. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Charlie Zero the Poet and his poetry works with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Marlon Brando Prophesied Satan’s Anti-aging Testicle Juice

 

I’m tired of hipster beards
living off gypsies & artsy fartsy.
Johnnie Cochran paraphrased it:

“Flop at the box office,
or drink martini juice.”

A famous quote by: Testicle Namaste.

Marlon Brando
coined the term: “Science”
back in the 1700s. How?
He mumbled gibberish
prophesies that entailed; Nazi hairdryers,
DMV chlamydia, & cub scout illuminati.

Oh! So, you’re saying;
yeast infections we’re part
of an elaborate John Travolta
to further their anti-aging bird shit?
Yep, slaveantology
imprisons 7-UP.
They know if you consume it –
it’ll make mick jagger feel horny again.

Gene Simmons…
you trademarked Satan’s abs?
No wonder your soul
is half gazpacho & half psoriasis.
And speaking of Toys ‘r’ us…
How’s life treating you in Barcelona?
Hopefully, soapy and, aunt jemima free…

 

 

 

Copyright © 2017 Charlie Zero the Poet

All rights Reserved.

No part of Marlon Brando Prophesied Satan’s Anti-aging Testicle Juice – may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means: electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without prior permission. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Charlie Zero the Poet and his poetry works with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Horoscope Bras and Jamaican Ovaries

 

Ashton Kushner,
you Barbra Streisand
looking mother-budweiser.
Why deny the brown stains
in your briefs?
Take Imodium
and hold Pepe Le Pew’s hand;
if you sense hot flashes
then it’s obviously your Hiroshima.
Stop crying Will Ferrell –
you’ll only sound Jamaican.

Pay close attention
to your Christmas ovaries.
They’ll jingle dodge ball hymns
through Rodney Dangerfield’s eyes.

Notice how Venezuela
plucked out UFO rhinos
from Marisa Tomei’s Armani.
Yeah, and Eminem
wears a horoscope bra
just so he can idolize scrambled eggs.

Watch yourself Garth Algar –
I’m doing the catwalk
working my pecs
and fixing myself a chilidog.
(Grrrr…grrr…) Stomach growling –
the noises inside indicate
a war between cocoa pecan butter,
and John Wayne Gacy’s T.V. guide.

 

 

 

Copyright © 2017 Charlie Zero the Poet

All rights Reserved.

No part of Horoscope Bras and Jamaican Ovaries – may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means: electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without prior permission. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Charlie Zero the Poet and his poetry works with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Gandalf’s Lesbian Fettuccine

 

Two hobbits one cup
let it play in –
like 5 nuns licking
a punching bag.
And Mona Lisa
shreds her version
of vagina fettuccine.

Westboro Baptist Church
your comical inventions
puts Kirk Cameron
on family feud.
You guys make holiness
feel gonorrhea & Coca cola.

Bob hope would pee
in his speedos –
if he’d found out
Frodo Baggins
was a lesbian pudding
filing for chapter 13 in bankruptcy.

Brad Pitt, you we’re right.
Antiperspirant leads to prostitution.
Take some advice
from Gandalf.
He shook hands with Bill Cosby
the king of Oscar Mayer Wieners.
Doesn’t that mean Whoopi Goldberg to you?
No, it doesn’t…
but if you sell me athlete’s foot
for $5 bucks, will call it ‘lee van cleef’, deal.

 

 

Copyright © 2017 Charlie Zero the Poet

All rights Reserved.

No part of Gandalf’s Lesbian Fettuccine – may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means: electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without prior permission. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Charlie Zero the Poet and his poetry works with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

I’m a Smart Ass without Brains on my Cheeks

Oprah Winfrey donated her greatest invention –
vagina enhancement pumps.
They make Rupert Murdoch’s suit
resemble a burnt charcoal,
not to mention the heroin drug trade
by Baskin Robbins.

I know most of you think
that I’m a smart ass –
when in fact, my ass cheek
doesn’t have a brain.

People always assume
that I’m high.
False: I only say hi
if I’m nice or extremely hungry.
In this case
looks can be deceiving right Bill Cosby?

Lately, I’ve been having chest pains.
I went to the doctors
to get some x-rays.

10 minutes – results are in.
just as I suspected
you have an illuminati candle
stuck to your hairy chest.

Whoever votes for Trump –
may god have mercy on your genitals,
unless of course
you’re a dog and gets neutered,
I don’t see why you shouldn’t
look like Alice copper. Now there’s an Idea.

 

 

Copyright © Charlie Zero

All rights Reserved.

No part of I’m a Smart Ass without Brains on my Cheeks – may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means: electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without prior permission. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Charlie Zero and his poetry works with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.