Horoscope Bras and Jamaican Ovaries

 

Ashton Kushner,
you Barbra Streisand
looking mother-budweiser.
Why deny the brown stains
in your briefs?
Take Imodium
and hold Pepe Le Pew’s hand;
if you sense hot flashes
then it’s obviously your Hiroshima.
Stop crying Will Ferrell –
you’ll only sound Jamaican.

Pay close attention
to your Christmas ovaries.
They’ll jingle dodge ball hymns
through Rodney Dangerfield’s eyes.

Notice how Venezuela
plucked out UFO rhinos
from Marisa Tomei’s Armani.
Yeah, and Eminem
wears a horoscope bra
just so he can idolize scrambled eggs.

Watch yourself Garth Algar –
I’m doing the catwalk
working my pecs
and fixing myself a chilidog.
(Grrrr…grrr…) Stomach growling –
the noises inside indicate
a war between cocoa pecan butter,
and John Wayne Gacy’s T.V. guide.

 

 

 

Copyright © 2017 Charlie Zero the Poet

All rights Reserved.

No part of Horoscope Bras and Jamaican Ovaries – may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means: electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without prior permission. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Charlie Zero the Poet and his poetry works with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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Gandalf’s Lesbian Fettuccine

 

Two hobbits one cup
let it play in –
like 5 nuns licking
a punching bag.
And Mona Lisa
shreds her version
of vagina fettuccine.

Westboro Baptist Church
your comical inventions
puts Kirk Cameron
on family feud.
You guys make holiness
feel gonorrhea & Coca cola.

Bob hope would pee
in his speedos –
if he’d found out
Frodo Baggins
was a lesbian pudding
filing for chapter 13 in bankruptcy.

Brad Pitt, you we’re right.
Antiperspirant leads to prostitution.
Take some advice
from Gandalf.
He shook hands with Bill Cosby
the king of Oscar Mayer Wieners.
Doesn’t that mean Whoopi Goldberg to you?
No, it doesn’t…
but if you sell me athlete’s foot
for $5 bucks, will call it ‘lee van cleef’, deal.

 

 

Copyright © 2017 Charlie Zero the Poet

All rights Reserved.

No part of Gandalf’s Lesbian Fettuccine – may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means: electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without prior permission. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Charlie Zero the Poet and his poetry works with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

I’m a Smart Ass without Brains on my Cheeks


Oprah Winfrey donated her greatest invention –

vagina enhancement pumps.
They make Rupert Murdoch’s suit
resemble a burnt charcoal,
not to mention the heroin drug trade
by Baskin Robbins.

I know most of you think
that I’m a smart ass –
when in fact, my ass cheek
doesn’t have a brain.

People always assume
that I’m high.
False: I only say hi
if I’m nice or extremely hungry.
In this case
looks can be deceiving right Bill Cosby?

Lately, I’ve been having chest pains.
I went to the doctors
to get some x-rays.

10 minutes – results are in.
just as I suspected
you have an illuminati candle
stuck to your hairy chest.

Whoever votes for Trump –
may god have mercy on your genitals,
unless of course
you’re a dog and gets neutered,
I don’t see why you shouldn’t
look like Alice copper. Now there’s an Idea.

 

 

Copyright © Charlie Zero

All rights Reserved.

No part of I’m a Smart Ass without Brains on my Cheeks – may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means: electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without prior permission. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Charlie Zero and his poetry works with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

War on Hugs (or, How I Got to be a Conspiracy Muffin)


Politics, I swear to earth’s nipple…

If I ever hear the P word again –
I’m going to sue the Atlantic Ocean
for unlawful curiosity & reason of ravioli disease.

President Mojo has announced today –
a war on hugs…that’s right
all squirt gun cartels must
dress up their weapons in bikini tops
and arouse the KFC bucket.

The muffin conspiracists
are investigating the death of low calories.
Veganism, GMO, gluten free,
I shave my arm-pits to avoid
time-travel from ever happening.

The war on period
gives my hormonal balance
a bad hang over.

This is how republicans & Democrats
use oil money
to penetrate the systems massive black hole.
We want Juice not justice –
We want cinnamon buns not peace.

Gary Busy
unbuttons Mother Nature’s soil,
a discolored shriveled heart;
he seeks an opportunity
and harasses my empty employee.

Benghazi sounds like bengay.
Terrorist bums bath in Christmas ornaments.

Hooray for the obese testicles,
Hooray for the conservative potato.

Relax you weenie slaves –
it’s only restitution in the state of Manhood.
My prom date is Zoloft.
I’m so eager to hit the G-spot depression –
if it gets wet you must acquit.

A good propaganda omelet
surely you don’t know mean World War 3.

If that’s the case
I’ll tuck the bomb to bed, kiss it,
and smile away for a good night bliss.

 

Copyright © Charlie Zero

All rights Reserved.

No part of War on Hugs (or, How I Got to be a Conspiracy Muffin) – may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means: electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without prior permission. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Charlie Zero and his poetry works with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Bureaucracy Stuff & the CGI Poo Poo

 

If you hear me pronounce funky 3 times
it’s because I ordered Domino’s Pizza.
My Coca-Cola thoughts taste like a nasty drum.
I just took a loaded poo, poo, on a train station.
Web relationships gone CGI,
please control your chances by long difficult vasectomy.

Show the talented Aphrodite a good time,
make sure your forehead displays copyright.
Pass the bud brownies while dancing to button lounge memoir.

The Djs figure is basically looking at a tangled terribly dashiki.
Entertainment assholes influenced by Steve urkel,
the ceiling soul
the power stuff
Articles heavily expose side sensors,
bureaucracy postscripts & Gluck code penetration.

I dropped my muse
as bar C person sound Killer.
Cassette videos cut two states, a note-worthy triple sandwich.

The original fun also break-beats –
watch Carlton banks get his swagger on.
Don’t get yourself too drunk on whiskey it would just be inappropriate.

 

 

Copyright © Charlie Zero

All rights Reserved.

No part of Bureaucracy Stuff & the CGI Poo Poo – may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means: electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without prior permission. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Charlie Zero and Bureaucracy Stuff & the CGI Poo Poo with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.