If – Russia hadn’t drank all the Dr. Pepper
my gastrointestinal tract would not have resembled
the 80’s version to David Hasselhoff.
If – Cantaloupe terrorist recite Victoria secret catalog;
Will Ferrell might claim bankruptcy on his hairy chest.
If – Tommy Wiseau dressed up like Rupaul
self-proclaim ‘Dentyne Ice’.
If – Maroon 5 makes another hit sitcom;
consider Bruce Willis a Neanderthal rodeo clown.
If – My pancreas can think of something clever
in the next 5 minutes, I’ll retire
from VH1 classic.
If – Poetry cuts down on calories
we should see improvements with Wayne’s World
and aurora Illinois.
If – Marvel’s Avengers Infinity War
makes me cry; please gather around an intervention
for the sake of Folgers Coffee.
If – Semicolon werewolves ate hootie & the blowfish.
If – Jack Daniels strip club was bigger than Chef Boyardee.
If – Gene Simmons stops being an asshole;
there’s a possibility that Chuck Norris hands could be used
as toilet paper.
If – Andy Dick lotions Satan’s abs;
sprinkle a dash of Barbara Walters.
If – Henry Rollins ever gave up on birth control pills;
his burrito supreme will shrink his masculinity.
If – Borat hi 5’s Jesus, you’ll have your faith
restored back to 1699.
If – Weird Al Yankovic parodies CSI: Miami;
I’ll give myself hot flashes just for the irony.
If – Deadpool serenades me with Chimichangas;
well then call Jules Winnfield and have us
some quarter pounder with cheese.
My friend ‘aFrankAngle‘ told us the poet community
to write an ‘IF’ challenge and I accepted
and here’s the result. Hope you all enjoyed.