Mockumentary Events

 

Breaking News!

News anchor (Droowit-dingo) reporting live:

3 giant assholes broke
into a Caucasian retirement closet,
they’ve stolen $3 +
a 4 weeks cruise to Capitol Hill.
Pomeranian authorities entered
the home Monday morning at 4am –
When a sex crazed neighbor
shouted obscenities
towards farmers market
and Chrysler Jeep.
What the authorities
discovered next
was the most gruesome
& exhilarating thing
since emphysema & Star wars.

Reporting live:

(Senor Duh)

It appears my enchilada testicle regimen
has dropped tremendously
41% on the bullshit espionage.

And speaking of bullshit –
the culprits left a note
indicating ‘Alex Trebek’ prophesies
a self-help book on whatever,
and decapitating marshmallow soup.

Here’s what the poem says:

“Brain culture
is an epileptic seizure
known as ‘Heisenberg’.
To induce its legacy: 
feed the wish list
a Donahue show,
a massage fungal tweezers,
& alligator palm reader.

What are some of your symptoms?

Wizard suicidelitis,
hot toilet syndrome,
CNNtitis,
& Corduroy swap meet disorder.”

There you have it folks.

A stroke throat
spewing a dozen wallets,
veto the sea rat rehabilitation –
alas, major sweat
bought off every pubic wig
and post mailed it
to ‘movies internal cabbage’.

Back to you (Droowit-dingo)!

Thank you for that ‘Senor Duh’.

Cunning & Rich!

More on the latest news today:

Vegans had more hemorrhaging than dinosaurs.

That’s part of heritage I do not want to be a part of.
Matter fact, carnivores solved the mystery 2+2.

Now, here’s a political debate –
I’d very much love to discuss
with my audience.

Let’s start with ‘Reese’s pieces’.
You got ‘Al gore’ sitting between
2 transvestite robots/
while Steve nasalcrock
punctures the universe dollar sign.

If that doesn’t rally up
some economic growth
or tangerine Amish,
consider me done as senior adviser;
give bobo baggins
the Instagram cleavage he deserves.
Oh…Kanye, no yoga Pilates/
those are specifically used
by humans and their bell pepper cereal.

From all of us here
on mockumentary events;
this is (Droowit-dingo) signing off
good night and please god (Don’t speed).

 

 

 

Copyright © 2019 Charlie Zero the Poet

All rights Reserved.

No part of Mockumentary Events – may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means: electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without prior permission.  Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.  Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Charlie Zero the Poet and his poetry works with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

 

 

 

Topless Hamsters of Popcorn Foreplay

 

Mcfly you’re smarter
than Fran drescher
leave the pluming duties to Jesus.
After all – eddy murphy
sought custody of Kevin bacon
and Weird Al Yankovic.

Tom Petty carried
a dozen yoga mats,
fully realizing a giant sourdough crust.
With every non-dairy urinal,
you regain popcorn immunities
resembling fruit roll ups.
Talk about immigration foreplay.

Socks placenta
during tattoo barber shops,
feed them disco feminist retainers –
and you’ll receive a cramp
the size of a topless hamster.
Matthew Mcconaughey
even agreed tofu anus donuts
against his own pancreas –
should never squeeze
the watermelons of Saddam Hussein.

I smell a lawsuit…
well, add some ground pepper,
shoelaces, playboy magazines,
& Jon Bon Jovi, you’ll be good.

 

 

 

Copyright © 2017 Charlie Zero the Poet

All rights Reserved.

No part of Topless Hamsters of Popcorn Foreplay – may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means: electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without prior permission. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Charlie Zero the Poet and his poetry works with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Don’t buy my Book, Just Burn it and Smile

 

My eyes observe all around in utter displease
nobody buys first time poets who look unease.
Why? Because I’m not well known or famous
when I die poor, you’ll remember me as less.
Politics favors the beautiful banal ones
I despise poetry and everything it’s done.
Maybe I should just put a bullet in my head
the coward in me is brave and thinking ahead.
There’s way too much egos, assholes, & competition
no support or income, hello world here I am your rejection.

 

 

 

Note: This poem is based on my own personal accounts.
Though I can’t say much…I know you’ve all have felt this same
feeling as I have. The state of displeasure, the reality of it, depresses me.
I’m only one person with his opinions.
I know I’m not saying much, so I’m expressing myself in code.
Please, do not be alarmed, I just needed to get this feeling out of my chest, that’s all.

If you’ve understood this poem, then you are with me and I am not alone.

 

Copyright © 2017 Charlie Zero the Poet

All rights Reserved.

No part of Don’t buy my Book, Just Burn it and Smile – may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means: electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without prior permission. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Charlie Zero the Poet and his poetry works with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Bad Poetry gives me Bad Customer Service


Bad poetry stinks –

the smell of it repulsive,
like Rupert Holmes pina colada song.
My eyes talk to each other
they gossip over dildo-straps
& pork belly.
Oh! Wow! Look at the sea otter
and his T.V. guide of girls gone wild re-runs.

I have studied & analyze the human complex stupidity,
the verdict – Polyamorous infidelity swinger’s party.

Damn! I’ve got to check my brain for some good ass chocolate cake.

 

 

Copyright © 2016 Charlie Zero the Poet

 

All rights Reserved.

 

No part of Bad Poetry gives me Bad Customer Service – may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means: electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without prior permission. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Charlie Zero the Poet and his poetry works with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.